The posts located below this one have been all collected from my former blog at http://tobeagirl.spaces.live.com/
Therefore, I did not write them all in one go, but as I began this new blog I found it necessary to include some of the earlier writings. Feel free to visit the older venue for my thoughts, some interesting things remain hidden there (I say hidden as hardly anyone knew I wrote them in the first place!!!).
Peace,
Jessie
Thursday 14 June 2007
To date or not to date
There are women that date and date and continue dating, relentlessly, searching for the right guy. There are men who see different women everyday, meet up with a new one on Fridays, give a second chance to the nice ones on Saturday. There are men dating other men for weeks, then deciding to call the bar manager they met at that party. There are women who are not settling with the first girl they are introduced to. However, there are many people out there sticking with the first potential lover they find. Some call this love at first sight, sentence any discussion like so, proclaiming they found the perfect partner first time round.
Now I wonder, is that even possible? When I go shopping for a pair of jeans I might know what type I will be going for, might have an idea of what suits me best, but I will not be certain they are a perfect fit until I actually try them on. On many occasions, these jeans I thought were so grand, turn out to be a great disappointment. I can’t help but think about the girl that is too shy to date, gets introduced to a guy one day, and holds on to him, ignoring the differences and completely lack of common interests, just because she is too scared to lose out in a chance for romance, or because she is excessively lazy to bother dating anymore. Is this the right way to ensure romantic happiness? Can this be one of those recipes for success that actually work out for a secret minority, proving all love sceptics wrong? I am left wondering…
Now I wonder, is that even possible? When I go shopping for a pair of jeans I might know what type I will be going for, might have an idea of what suits me best, but I will not be certain they are a perfect fit until I actually try them on. On many occasions, these jeans I thought were so grand, turn out to be a great disappointment. I can’t help but think about the girl that is too shy to date, gets introduced to a guy one day, and holds on to him, ignoring the differences and completely lack of common interests, just because she is too scared to lose out in a chance for romance, or because she is excessively lazy to bother dating anymore. Is this the right way to ensure romantic happiness? Can this be one of those recipes for success that actually work out for a secret minority, proving all love sceptics wrong? I am left wondering…
IDENTITIES
I have just read a great article on how a transgender has been allowed to run for prom king. High school years… Some of us may believe that the world is changing for good, or we could be pessimistic and say it is all going down the drain. Older people look at the younger ones and think it was all better back in their days. However as I watch my younger sister go through her schooling years and get ready for university, I wonder: was it really that different back then?
I clearly remember being invisible in high school. I blended with the yellow tatty walls, and so did my friends. However, we were never so sure about this fact until we recently befriended the most popular guy in our teen years. He couldn’t remember a single one of us. As our suspicions were confirmed, we ended up having a good laugh about it. It was all about the looks, you see. We knew everything about the attractive popular student: his whereabouts, his (always pretty) girlfriends, we even knew what he had done in University. Me and my friends probably remain a mystery to our former classmates, and for those who were not in the same classroom, we didn’t even exist.
You really couldn’t class us as “ugly”, we weren’t even “plain”. In my case, I wasn’t unpleasant to the sight and, though my eyebrows from back then can only be described as hideous, and instead of hair I had a mop, I wasn’t too bad-looking. I did love wearing my father’s jumpers (picture me drowning in a gigantic pullover, long enough to reach my knees…gorgeousness personified…) trying to resemble Alanis Morissette as much as I could. Extend this attire throughout one’s university years and yes, everyone, including some members of your own family (I think only my beloved dog dared thinking otherwise) will believe you are a repressed lesbian. Of course, having my bedroom completely wallpapered with pictures of Madonna didn’t help. Fortunately I really didn’t care and never went out of my way publicising every guy I dated.
My point is, people are constantly judged by their looks, what they wear, their manner when walking… And it is during those teen years where not only you develop your own identity, but others do it for you. Whether these two identities resemble each other even the slightest, is a completely different matter. In my personal case, having such split personalities has been hilarious. A certain ambiguity can be quite fun. It is all about labels. You may think you are a quiet, studious and fun-loving wannabe hippy-girl, completely normal except for a healthy obsession with certain female pop stars, but for the rest of the world around you…just imagine ;)
I clearly remember being invisible in high school. I blended with the yellow tatty walls, and so did my friends. However, we were never so sure about this fact until we recently befriended the most popular guy in our teen years. He couldn’t remember a single one of us. As our suspicions were confirmed, we ended up having a good laugh about it. It was all about the looks, you see. We knew everything about the attractive popular student: his whereabouts, his (always pretty) girlfriends, we even knew what he had done in University. Me and my friends probably remain a mystery to our former classmates, and for those who were not in the same classroom, we didn’t even exist.
You really couldn’t class us as “ugly”, we weren’t even “plain”. In my case, I wasn’t unpleasant to the sight and, though my eyebrows from back then can only be described as hideous, and instead of hair I had a mop, I wasn’t too bad-looking. I did love wearing my father’s jumpers (picture me drowning in a gigantic pullover, long enough to reach my knees…gorgeousness personified…) trying to resemble Alanis Morissette as much as I could. Extend this attire throughout one’s university years and yes, everyone, including some members of your own family (I think only my beloved dog dared thinking otherwise) will believe you are a repressed lesbian. Of course, having my bedroom completely wallpapered with pictures of Madonna didn’t help. Fortunately I really didn’t care and never went out of my way publicising every guy I dated.
My point is, people are constantly judged by their looks, what they wear, their manner when walking… And it is during those teen years where not only you develop your own identity, but others do it for you. Whether these two identities resemble each other even the slightest, is a completely different matter. In my personal case, having such split personalities has been hilarious. A certain ambiguity can be quite fun. It is all about labels. You may think you are a quiet, studious and fun-loving wannabe hippy-girl, completely normal except for a healthy obsession with certain female pop stars, but for the rest of the world around you…just imagine ;)
FACE IT, SHE’S MADONNA
Don’t ask me how I did it, but I managed to convince my 17-year-old little sister to get up at 6 am and catch a one-hour train ride to Seville with me, die-hard Madonna fan. For the debut of the M by Madonna collection in H&M, we arrived there a few minutes before the store was open, and already spotted some fashion victims strolling around the area, keeping an eye on the cool window displays. Soon enough, the doors were open, and Madonna’s creations were ours for the taking, grabbing, and bagging!
During the few minutes we were there, only a few more women accompanied us to the top floor where the Madonna display was located. However, soon enough, more and more shoppers arrived, leaving the rest of the store empty, and began taking Madonna’s kimonos, suits, hand bags, belts…there was even a girl who picked up the cream-coloured gown to wear at her own wedding. My sister and I tried on many items: I couldn’t resist wearing the cat-suit, several black dresses, kimonos and finally bagging the black gown (YES, I will find an occasion to wear it, believe me!!!). However, the first items to promptly disappear were the sunglasses, but we had ensured they were the first items we picked up.
The main H&M store in Seville stocked up every single item of the collection, except for the sequined-mini-gorgeousness I so much wanted to at least try. That didn’t seem to bother Southern Spanish girls who were trying all of the garments and bagging two or three, or four! of them each.
The verdict? Yes, the collection is slightly over-priced for H&M standards, but the quality and the finishings in each design justify such numbers. The tailored suits were lovely, and the trench coats simply amazing. The collection is quite solemn, black and white being the key tones. There are some rare numbers, such as the cat suit, that will only flatter taller figures, but most items make you look like a million dollars.
Guess what? My little sister, the only teenager around, couldn’t resist taking home one of the pale pink kimonos. If you are curvy, get one yourself: they couldn’t look any sexier on the most feminine shapes.
In the queues for the changing rooms everybody was commenting on how nice the clothes were, the lovely materials, and nobody complained about the higher prices. She’s Madonna, and even if she makes H&M slightly more expensive, face it: we will to anything to have some of her own glamour over our skin.
Entry also featured at http://www.madonnalicious.com/
During the few minutes we were there, only a few more women accompanied us to the top floor where the Madonna display was located. However, soon enough, more and more shoppers arrived, leaving the rest of the store empty, and began taking Madonna’s kimonos, suits, hand bags, belts…there was even a girl who picked up the cream-coloured gown to wear at her own wedding. My sister and I tried on many items: I couldn’t resist wearing the cat-suit, several black dresses, kimonos and finally bagging the black gown (YES, I will find an occasion to wear it, believe me!!!). However, the first items to promptly disappear were the sunglasses, but we had ensured they were the first items we picked up.
The main H&M store in Seville stocked up every single item of the collection, except for the sequined-mini-gorgeousness I so much wanted to at least try. That didn’t seem to bother Southern Spanish girls who were trying all of the garments and bagging two or three, or four! of them each.
The verdict? Yes, the collection is slightly over-priced for H&M standards, but the quality and the finishings in each design justify such numbers. The tailored suits were lovely, and the trench coats simply amazing. The collection is quite solemn, black and white being the key tones. There are some rare numbers, such as the cat suit, that will only flatter taller figures, but most items make you look like a million dollars.
Guess what? My little sister, the only teenager around, couldn’t resist taking home one of the pale pink kimonos. If you are curvy, get one yourself: they couldn’t look any sexier on the most feminine shapes.
In the queues for the changing rooms everybody was commenting on how nice the clothes were, the lovely materials, and nobody complained about the higher prices. She’s Madonna, and even if she makes H&M slightly more expensive, face it: we will to anything to have some of her own glamour over our skin.
Entry also featured at http://www.madonnalicious.com/
What are you waiting for?
Tips for a good health? Here are some I have tried and tested:
1- Pamper yourself once in a while: whether it’s an expensive item of clothing, a pedicure, whether you are a man or a woman, spoiling oneself has always been excuse number one for switching off your mobile and ignoring the world. It doesn’t mean your gay, and it is certainly not an insult to feminists out there. It’s not about looking good, it’s about feeling special.
2- Get yourself a pet: Not a joke or invented notion. Medical experts praise this habit ( http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6279701.stm ) and I second them advising anyone to do so. Not only it’s a good excuse to get us out of our enclosed homes but they also boost our mood, contributing to our immune system. My partner and I recently adopted a dachshund mix, a sausage dog, and the good vibes I get from my pooch everyday are better (and cheaper!) than any psychologist I have come across. Whichever animal you decide to welcome in your home, make sure you are doing it for the right reason and also that you are aware of the responsibility it represents.
3- Plan your holidays: even if you can’t afford them or don’t have the time to go away, decide where your next holidays are going to be, and if necessary, set up a saving scheme. It will give you something to look forward to, and believe me, we all need a bit of hope in our lives. I think I will visit Berlin next (although I will probably end up in Brussels again first…I will keep you posted)
4- Write a diary: you don’t have to become the next Carrie Bradshaw or a recycled Bridget Jones. Just keep a book where you organise your day or week, keep important to-do’s up to date, and set yourself personal objectives. I began this practice three years ago, and it transformed this unorganised girl into an unorganised but tidier, and more satisfied, woman J
5- Watch more films: Try reaching for the classics you have never managed to get round to. I recently discovered the Godfather trilogy…we will make him an offer he cannot refuse… classic Marlon Brando.
6- Learn a foreign language or do a course: on anything! Pilates, art, IT, there is always something new to learn. Yoga is doing miracles to my body, and going to classes is usually a great way of meeting new people.
7- Exercise! seriously, it is great for your body but also for your brain! I admit I am a bit of a coach potato, but being fit is always a boost to my mind…right now I am far away from being fit…but I have the pet and I am doing the yoga, so exercising, AND I MEAN IT!!, will be the next thing! (I hope!)
1- Pamper yourself once in a while: whether it’s an expensive item of clothing, a pedicure, whether you are a man or a woman, spoiling oneself has always been excuse number one for switching off your mobile and ignoring the world. It doesn’t mean your gay, and it is certainly not an insult to feminists out there. It’s not about looking good, it’s about feeling special.
2- Get yourself a pet: Not a joke or invented notion. Medical experts praise this habit ( http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6279701.stm ) and I second them advising anyone to do so. Not only it’s a good excuse to get us out of our enclosed homes but they also boost our mood, contributing to our immune system. My partner and I recently adopted a dachshund mix, a sausage dog, and the good vibes I get from my pooch everyday are better (and cheaper!) than any psychologist I have come across. Whichever animal you decide to welcome in your home, make sure you are doing it for the right reason and also that you are aware of the responsibility it represents.
3- Plan your holidays: even if you can’t afford them or don’t have the time to go away, decide where your next holidays are going to be, and if necessary, set up a saving scheme. It will give you something to look forward to, and believe me, we all need a bit of hope in our lives. I think I will visit Berlin next (although I will probably end up in Brussels again first…I will keep you posted)
4- Write a diary: you don’t have to become the next Carrie Bradshaw or a recycled Bridget Jones. Just keep a book where you organise your day or week, keep important to-do’s up to date, and set yourself personal objectives. I began this practice three years ago, and it transformed this unorganised girl into an unorganised but tidier, and more satisfied, woman J
5- Watch more films: Try reaching for the classics you have never managed to get round to. I recently discovered the Godfather trilogy…we will make him an offer he cannot refuse… classic Marlon Brando.
6- Learn a foreign language or do a course: on anything! Pilates, art, IT, there is always something new to learn. Yoga is doing miracles to my body, and going to classes is usually a great way of meeting new people.
7- Exercise! seriously, it is great for your body but also for your brain! I admit I am a bit of a coach potato, but being fit is always a boost to my mind…right now I am far away from being fit…but I have the pet and I am doing the yoga, so exercising, AND I MEAN IT!!, will be the next thing! (I hope!)
Modern man
I haven’t written for a while now. Somehow my days seem to be filled to the brim, I end up exhausted. I get up at 7am but only if I am brave enough to roll open my yoga mat, on the cold floor, and work out. Then I have breakfast and get ready for my IT class. My study session ends at 2pm. That’s not even half of the day, and I look forward to my break, strolling back home to enjoy lunch with my boyfriend, who lives with me.
I cannot complain, he is an excellent housemate. He is perfectly clean and barely makes a mess. He cooks wonderfully, and he never snores! He is quick in the shower, doesn’t watch football, and has good musical taste. With all these positive traits, you must be thinking, “come on, he can’t be perfect!!” Well, no, he isn’t: he is a smart-ass, enjoys proving that he can cook better than me (that’s only what HE believes, couldn’t be further from the truth), indulges in telling me what I do wrong, turns on the cold water when I am showering…should I go on?
No, seriously, I shouldn’t complain. Why? Because if one takes a quick look at men here in the south of Spain, one realises that what she has at home is a gift. Men in Andalusia are incapable of ignoring football, always expect you to cook for them, they are useless at dusting, ironing or doing anything by themselves…I am not one to defend generalisations, but these guys, this region, need to be labelled and shamed so that any evolution may occur.
Please, at least somebody prove me wrong! I am calling for change. I am asking for fewer women overprotecting their boyfriends, sons, husbands and start forgetting to do everything for them. I am pleading for men to be proactive and learn some basic skills. The simple-minded, unkempt, and useless Latin lover is over. At least, less and less women have one walking by their side.
And if you are still holding on to one, what are you waiting for? Give him the mop and just leave him there…purely in the name of evolution!
I cannot complain, he is an excellent housemate. He is perfectly clean and barely makes a mess. He cooks wonderfully, and he never snores! He is quick in the shower, doesn’t watch football, and has good musical taste. With all these positive traits, you must be thinking, “come on, he can’t be perfect!!” Well, no, he isn’t: he is a smart-ass, enjoys proving that he can cook better than me (that’s only what HE believes, couldn’t be further from the truth), indulges in telling me what I do wrong, turns on the cold water when I am showering…should I go on?
No, seriously, I shouldn’t complain. Why? Because if one takes a quick look at men here in the south of Spain, one realises that what she has at home is a gift. Men in Andalusia are incapable of ignoring football, always expect you to cook for them, they are useless at dusting, ironing or doing anything by themselves…I am not one to defend generalisations, but these guys, this region, need to be labelled and shamed so that any evolution may occur.
Please, at least somebody prove me wrong! I am calling for change. I am asking for fewer women overprotecting their boyfriends, sons, husbands and start forgetting to do everything for them. I am pleading for men to be proactive and learn some basic skills. The simple-minded, unkempt, and useless Latin lover is over. At least, less and less women have one walking by their side.
And if you are still holding on to one, what are you waiting for? Give him the mop and just leave him there…purely in the name of evolution!
The Year Before the Wedding
A close friend of mine is getting married next year. She booked the reception venue and the church almost a year ago. Consequently, this wedding is taking more than two years to prepare. This seems to be the trend amongst Spanish nuptial ceremonies. The bigger the better, and the earlier you begin the preparations, the sooner guests can commence saving up. And I do not mean gathering money to pay for their elegant dresses or expensive suits. I am not talking about booking hotels if the wedding is far from one’s home. And I am certainly not alluding to money that will be spent on hairdressers and expensive waterproof make-up. I am referring to the notes included in a white, discreet envelope. A considerable amount of money for both bride and groom. Because here, in the South of Spain, gifts wrapped in shiny paper, with big ribbons, are a no-no. Cash in hand, please, is the new way to go.
Today my friend was debating with the rest of us (unmarried, some still single) which dress she should purchase, adding that the designer-one she liked was very expensive and a good reason for feeling guilty on her big day. One of my other Spanish girlfriends, as blunt as always (will tell you more about her soon), basically said “Just choose the one you like, I am going to pay for it anyway”. The bride-to-be giggled, and after commenting on the lack of tact of the friend, accepted such excuse and will most likely bag the pricey dress.
This is how it is now. My terribly honest friend warned me months ago how a recent bride had confided to her yet another common practice: writing down what each friend or relative gives to you. This you do, so at their wedding, they can receive that exact amount from you: “It’s a loan, really”. Weddings are businesses, she added. Not only for caterers, make-up artists and photographers, but for the bride and groom. After all, Jessie, how do you expect to pay for the honeymoon?
Today my friend was debating with the rest of us (unmarried, some still single) which dress she should purchase, adding that the designer-one she liked was very expensive and a good reason for feeling guilty on her big day. One of my other Spanish girlfriends, as blunt as always (will tell you more about her soon), basically said “Just choose the one you like, I am going to pay for it anyway”. The bride-to-be giggled, and after commenting on the lack of tact of the friend, accepted such excuse and will most likely bag the pricey dress.
This is how it is now. My terribly honest friend warned me months ago how a recent bride had confided to her yet another common practice: writing down what each friend or relative gives to you. This you do, so at their wedding, they can receive that exact amount from you: “It’s a loan, really”. Weddings are businesses, she added. Not only for caterers, make-up artists and photographers, but for the bride and groom. After all, Jessie, how do you expect to pay for the honeymoon?
Love being a girl
I used to love being a girl because I was allowed to cry. But now, women despise those who can't repress their tears. We are supposed to be independent; hence we cannot cry when our lover leaves.
We must be brave; as a result we cannot shed a tear when we board a plane for the first time. Women should be always rational, so following our emotions would be wrong.
I used to love being a girl because we were allowed to look and smell nice. However, now, in doing so, one comes across as shallow, an empty shell, some sort of bimbo.
I loved being a girl as we were allowed be fragile and seek protection. But now those who rely on their lovers, friends or sisters are weak.
Nowadays I love being a woman because we can be a thousand possibilities at once. Any decision we make, any identity we take, any position we based ourselves on, will be loved by some and hated by others. I love being a woman because one definition is not enough, because we are so different from each other, because we are all exceptions to the rule.
Unpredictable, therein lies our femininity.
We must be brave; as a result we cannot shed a tear when we board a plane for the first time. Women should be always rational, so following our emotions would be wrong.
I used to love being a girl because we were allowed to look and smell nice. However, now, in doing so, one comes across as shallow, an empty shell, some sort of bimbo.
I loved being a girl as we were allowed be fragile and seek protection. But now those who rely on their lovers, friends or sisters are weak.
Nowadays I love being a woman because we can be a thousand possibilities at once. Any decision we make, any identity we take, any position we based ourselves on, will be loved by some and hated by others. I love being a woman because one definition is not enough, because we are so different from each other, because we are all exceptions to the rule.
Unpredictable, therein lies our femininity.
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